Friday, November 19, 2010

Suitors of Help-Meets: What You Need to Find Out

Here at Quivers of Men, we strive to provide those who wish to be more like us with every tool possible to do so. One of the questions we receive frequently is what questions we ask potential suitors of our daughters. For our family, the way a relationship works is that the prospective husband meets with the father, and after a few rounds of getting to know each other, they will enter into what we call 'courtship'. Depending on the family, courtship may also somewhat involve that daughter that the prospective husband desires for a help-meet.

So, after much prayer over the matter, we decided to give to you, our readers, an abbreviated version of our comprehensive list of everything that you should be asking the young men that approach you. Feel free to leave out or substitute up to six questions from our list, as it applies to your own family. For your convenience, we have separated the questions by section. An (*) asterisk indicates that an undesirable answer may be a 'game-changer', so to speak.

Section 1: Basic

This first section of questions deals with basic things you will need to know about the men that approach you about your daughters.

*1. Are you a believer?

*2. Where did you grow up?

*3. What is your occupation? 

*4. What is it that leads you to believe God wants you in a relationship with (Insert Daughter's Name, if applicable).

*5. By what means did your parents educate you? (i.e. Homeschooling, as God intended; public schooling, living in sin; or private schooling, living in slightly less sin)

6. Are you in debt?

Section 2:  Relationships

In this section, we ask only what we feel is most important for us to know. To some extent, his previous romantic liaisons are his business. We don't ask more than we must.

*1. How many significant others ('girlfriends') have you had? Please provide a brief summary of each of these relationships, including how and why they ended.

*2. What is the average number of significant others ('boyfriends') that your former 'girlfriends' had before being with you? As possible, provide summaries of each of those relationships including how and why they ended.

*3. How often do you flirt?

*4. What are your thoughts on divorce? Has anyone close to you ever been divorced? If so, when did you disassociate yourself from them?

5. Have previous relationships marred the way you feel about certain songs? Please list these songs.

*6. How many children do you plan on having? Would you ever consider using names for your children that are not found in the Bible?

*7. Would you ever say things specifically to please your help-meet? Please list the things you would be willing to lie about in order to please her.

8. If the relationship with our daughter were not allowed, how might it affect you and your own family? Please describe in detail the steps you would go through to get over the pain.

Section 3: Your Childhood/Family

The childhood and family a man has are an integral part of the husband and, more importantly, father, he will become. Again, however, we stick to the bare minimum.

*1. How did your parents meet? Are they alive?

*2. If asked to choose your favorite parent, who might you pick?

3. Do you have many brothers and sisters? Please list their names, ages, and marital statuses.

*4. Would you describe your siblings as worse- or better-looking than yourself? What features contribute to your and their levels of attractiveness? (i.e. Jaw alignment, facial symmetry, skin condition)

*5. Is there a history of mental illness, heart disease, or Democratic voting in your family?

*6. What is your mother's maiden name? Have either of your parents ever changed their names?

*7. Growing up, what access did you have to a pressure-group (referred to by others as 'peer-group'). 

8. Did you have any beloved pets growing up? If so, please provide a list of these pets in order of favoritism and include photographs if possible.

*9. What was your father's average yearly income when you lived with him? What about now?

Section 4: Worldview

We simply cannot let our daughter enter into a holy union with a man without first knowing that his Worldview fits firmly with ours. We cannot have her exposed to different ideas, no matter what age. This is clearly laid out for us in a book of the Bible.

1. How long have you been affiliated with the Republican party/Constitutionalist movement? Please list any Democrats you know or commonly associate with.

*2. Do you believe the United States should have been involved in any war besides the Revolutionary War? 

*3. Do you own a TV? If so, list the other pagan activities you frequently take part in.

*4. Have you ever listened to secular music? If so, please include the date on which you stopped.

*5. Do you believe marriage to be the sacred union between a man and at least one woman?

***6. Would you ever consider voting for a female candidate running for public office? If so, consult the Bible.

*7. Do you believe that 'modern' and 'trendy' clothing makes Christians slaves to the world?

*8. Have you ever accidentally consumed alcohol? If so, please explain the situation, and what you did to avoid further occurrences.

*9. What are your thoughts on vaccinations, keeping in mind that they contain the Sign of the Beast?

*10. Do you believe that it is the place of women to be keepers at home, not engaging in any sort of employment?

*11. Did you fill out your unlawful census form? 

*12. Describe your thoughts on why the Eco-friendly and 'Green' movements are the Evil One's latest ploy to lead us astray.

Section 5: Personal Habits

It puts our minds at slightly more ease if we know vaguely what the young man in question does with his own time. In this section too, you should not be too invasive.

1. How many calories (average) do you consume in a day?

2. Do you ever stay in bed passed 6am? If so, why?

*3. How many times a week do you typically shower? How long do you typically stay in the shower at a time? What brand of shampoo do you use most often?

*4. What color undergarments do you usually wear? If the answer is something other than white or black, please provide a detailed explanation.

*5. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? Do you snore? If so, how loudly?

6. Have you ever lied? What about on these questions?

*7. What spiritual gift(s) did God grant you with? Provide a list, including at least one example of you using your gift for your own benefit, instead of God's. 

*8. Is exercise important to you? Do you over-eat?

*9. Have you ever spent more than an hour on the Internet in a single week? If so, please provide an explanation for this blatant rebellion towards God.

*10. Do you crack your knuckles? How often?

11. Summarize what a typical tooth-brushing session means for you.

*12. Is your favorite movie 'Fireproof,' or 'One Night With the King'?

*13. How many times a day do you yawn? Would you say excessive yawning is something you struggle with?

Section 6: Miscellaneous

These are various important questions that did not fit in to any of the previous categories. Ask them nonetheless.

*1. Do you believe the writings of the false teacher/devout Wiccan J. K. Rowling?

*2. Hypothetical: If you were going to deny yourself permission to marry your own daughter, how would you do it so that you felt as insufficient as possible?

*3. What are your thoughts on racism? 

*4. Have you ever met a feminist? If so, explain the situation.

*5. Do you consider you favorite author to be C. S. Lewis or Jane Austen?

Section 7: If Applicable 

Use these questions only if they apply to the young man in question, as they are more specific than the others.

*1. We noticed that you have a non-Biblical name. In what commune did your parents meet?

*2. Is that you natural hair color? Is the rest or your family also brunette/red-headed/black-haired/bald?

*3. What percentage Native American are you? When did you move off of the Reservation?

*4. Have you ever participated in gang activities?

*5. Have you ever been to Africa?

*6. Do you hablo englese?

We sincerely hope that this list helped you. While we currently have no children that have been married, we definitely aspire to someday. Remember, however, that the list is never finished. As various new pathways open up that stray from God's Path, you must grow more and more weary. You cannot protect and shelter your Arrows from the World enough, so you, as parents, must remain ever-vigilant against attacks from the World's culture.  

In the service of the Lord, 
Quivers of Men


  1. What a great list! Thank you for staying so surface and not prying!

  2. One Night With the King contains many obvious departures from the Biblical account of Hadasseh/Esther, being more closely based on a loosely adapted novel than the true story as found in Scripture. How could you possibly imply that this pagan, worldly film could ever be anywhere near on par with the Biblically sound, God-honoring, epistemologically self-conscious masterpiece that is Fireproof? This gross and blatant disregard for clear Scriptural principles leaves me no choice but to question whether the author(s) of this blog is, in fact, a Christian, and not the Antichrist deceptively appearing as an angel of light in order that he might lead astray the gullible, including, if possible, the elect. (II Cor. 11:14, Matt. 24:24) I am going to warn my pastor about this blog and ensure that it receives full censure from our church.

  3. This may be the godliest list, of any kind, I've ever read. Thank you for combatting the godless, liberal infidels that are polluting the narrow way.

  4. I was involved with an online forum in which someone shared a questionaire her father created that had to be filled out by any interested fellows prior to any meaningful interaction with her. It had no less than 150 questions and it was very probing. It asked for information I would not give someone that I didn't know and trust. The girl did end up getting married, as I recall, so someone was willing to jump through the hoops.

    So, while your list may be hyperbolic and satirical in nature, it's not far from reality in at least some cases.


    Jim K.

  5. Ahahahaha!!! I snorted way too many times to be lady-like. :P

    I wonder why there's never any list of questions for daughters??

  6. I am terribly concerned for your salvation, after seeing the criminal lack of seriousness of your list, brothers. I counted less than 60 questions here. How can you possibly be properly safeguarding your precious daughters with this grossly negligent, lukewarm list? Remember, the Lord is never to be served casually!

    - the other Kristen

  7. @Darcy - obviously, because we wouldn't be looking for suitors for our daughters unless we were utterly convinced that our daughters are completely prepared to be Helpmeets — an extremely difficult and time-consuming objective to reach; these worldly marriages of women as young as 25 (and sometimes even younger — practically infants!) are obscene in their prevalence, even creeping insidiously into Godly communities. Some of these women being married haven't even completed their twelfth sampler or second hope chest! I won't even mention the alleged "Helpmeets" who don't even know how to sew ... it gives me shudders to imagine a woman masquerading as a Helpmeet without even knowing how to perform the basic functions of HELPING her "husband".

  8. Oh mine Holy brethren! Ye truly have a gift from the Lord in this! Praise the Mighty One for His Heavenly truth which He hath bestowed upon thee! Selah

    I have two concerns/questions here:

    1. In regards to Section 5.4, I recently discovered a pair of undergarments of mine from childhood that are made of material which is dyed the Bad Color...will I be safe from condemnation now that I have burned them and buried the ashes?

    2. In regards to Section 5.12, there are other films than these? I was not aware...


  9. This made me laugh, I cannot imagine being a daughter in a family like this!