Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Sharpen Your Arrows

We at Quivers of Men acknowledge that the most important task imparted to us by God is to have a quiver full of arrows. The second most important task is to sharpen those arrows. We have gotten many questions on the right way to sharpen your arrows. Even though the arrows should never be fired (especially arrows of the female variety), they should still be kept fully sharpened. Remember, the safest place for arrows is in the quiver.*

In the formative years, remember: stricter is always better. The moment your child is born, he starts expressing his sinful nature. Our next-door neighbors--we'll call them the Paygansons--often give in to their 5-week-old's sinful behavior. The poor child has already learned that he can assert his authority over his parents by crying at the slightest discomfort, making his parents his own personal bond servants, as they stoop to feed and change him on his time. It should be abundantly clear that a child's sinful nature must be addressed as soon as it is first expressed. For example, if your 6-year-old exhibits sinful behaviors in the form of stealing cookies, would you wait until after the twelfth offense before you disciplined him? Of course not. The same principle is applicable to babies. The earlier a child learns that he is not in control, the easier it will be for you to assert your authority over him.

Living apart from the world is clearly outlined in Scripture, but it is markedly more difficult for children in their teenage years to accept. At this point, the Patriarchal grip must be at its tightest. Children in their teenage years are six thousand times more likely to rebel than children in their pre-teen, or adult years. For this reason, you should not wait to rein in your rebellious teenage children until they have exhibited rebellious behavior; rather, tighten your grip as a precautionary measure, which we guarantee will ensure your teenagers' full obedience.** Here is a helpful tip: on the day of your daughter's 13th birthday, have a serious discussion with her about her newfound rebellious nature, and explain to her that as a consequence, it will now be her role to be at her mother's side 24/7. Where mother walks, daughter walks. What mother sews, daughter sews. This will enable you to keep close watch over your daughter. On the day of your son's 13th birthday, have a similar discussion with him, but instead of having him stay under the watch of the father, simply double or triple his firewood load. This will probably keep him too busy to plot his rebellion. We promise that these tactics will grow healthy, happy adult children who will be very grateful for the restrictions placed on them in their teenage years.

Soon after these adolescent years are over, you're almost halfway there! Next come the early adult years of your children. But be careful--if you have not successfully stunted the growth of your children's rebellion, it will rapidly flourish in these early adult years. You should by no means decrease the restrictions or expectations placed on your children merely because they are adults. They are adults when you determine that they are. At which point, they will, of course, still need much guidance and instruction from you in every aspect of their lives. Always be prepared to counsel and instruct them, whether they openly ask for it or not.

Over the years, we have perfected these scriptural precedents. We will be praying heartily for you as you seek to serve God by utilizing these techniques to sharpen your arrows. May God bless your holy endeavors!

Next time on Quivers of Men, join us for an abridged version of our "SOHM list." It's a don't-miss! 

In the service of the Lord,
Quivers of Men

*There is a valid argument to be made that the safest place for arrows is in the quiver...at least until age 30.

**If your teenage child does, in fact, rebel, your grip must not have been tight enough, and Quivers of Men cannot be held responsible for your lack of parenting skills.


  1. you'd give a child until the advanced age of 5 weeks before addressing their sin? if this advice is followed, I fear that all hope may be lost, and any subsequent training could be in vain.

  2. I can see Kristen's point. I fear this blog could be taking a liberal, worldly turn. I hope my fears prove unfounded, but 5 weeks is pushing it.

  3. I would have to admonish Kristen and Lewis to remember that life starts at conception, and therefore, rebellion begins the moment that egg is fertilized. Just because mothers cannot feel their unborn babies kicking in defiance before fifteen weeks' gestation does not mean that those little sinners are not asserting their authority over the womb in blatant disregard to their fathers' sovereignty. Precautionary measures should therefore be taken before a child is even a twinkle in its parents' eyes.

  4. Any arrow that does rebel must immediately be cast from the quiver and never seen or spoken to again, lest our lack of perfection reflect poorly on the pure beauty of the Formula.

    - Another Kristen (aka KR Wordgazer)

  5. I am shocked that you seem to be suggesting that it could possibly be safe for a unmarried child to leave to the quiver at 30. An unmarried daughter is never safe outside of her father's quiver until he picks a suitable husband to be her lord and master and transfers his authority over her to him. I fear that this implied suggestion could put rebellous and discontent thoughts in an unmarried daughter's mind.