Saturday, December 18, 2010

Lists: We Have Them, and Now, You Can, Too!

We at Quivers of Men realize that we have not given you, our readers, any spiritual guidance in almost two weeks now. As the "holiday season" approached, we have been confronting the challenges that come with those who want to adopt a pagan holiday and turn it into a so-called religious holiday. Now that we have successfully ostracized those who celebrate said holiday, we decided that it was once again time to offer you more of our wisdom.

We want to make it very clear that we do not believe in living our lives according to lists. We are not prone to unbiblical legalism. But unfortunately, everyone else is. Since you, our readers, are the weaker brothers here, we decided to provide you with some of our lists that will help you become more like us in our biblical legalism.

Modesty (females)

  • Can you see her collarbone? Immodest and indecent.
  • Does her sleeve end more than three inches above her elbow? Borderline immodest.
  • Sleeveless? Just kidding! We know that you would never dream of letting your wives or daughters dress like a prostitute. 
  • When she stands up straight with her arms down and her fingertips touching her legs, does her skirt end above her ankles? Immodest. 
  • Is she wearing loose-fitting pants? In her own home, borderline. Anywhere outside the home, offensive. 
Modesty (males)

  • Not an issue.
Pop Culture - Movies

  • Was it made before 1965? It's more than likely all right.
  • Was it made after 1965? It's more than likely not all right. Exception is The Princess Bride.
  • Disney movies? Made before 1975, probably all right.
  • Rated G? Make sure you watch it first.
  • Rated PG? Make sure you dub out all offensive material.*
  • Rated PG-13? Obtain the permission of your church elders, or Quivers of Men. We are sure it goes without saying that PG-13 movies in general are only acceptable if the rating is for war violence. 
  • Rated R? Remember, R stands for WRONG. 
  • Outings to movie theaters? Only as a family. 
Pop Culture - Music

  • Was it written in or before the 19th century? Acceptable.
  • Was it written in the 20th century? Make sure you thoroughly listen to it first.
  • Was it written in the 21st century? No approval. No exceptions. 
These are just a few of our lists that we keep to ensure that we are not living in unbiblical legalism. Start utilizing them today and before you know it, you'll be starting lists of your own! (Just be sure you run them by us so we can make sure your lists align themselves with ours--the right ones!)

We hope you all are having a blessed December! We are sure that you will all have a very uneventful rest of the month, and in case we don't post again before then, have a happy New Year!

In the service of the Lord,
Quivers of Men

*For our list of offensive material, contact us privately.


  1. You allow going to movie theaters? Horrors! You are backsliding!!! Repent quickly!

  2. Loose fitting pants? Heavens, you are so liberal. We weren't even allowed to wear leggings under our skirts (that of course were so long they dragged on the floor--and got all icy and wet around the hems)in the winters because they were too close to men's clothing. Never mind that our legs nearly froze in the winter. You simply can't allow something that might lead to wearing men's clothing.

  3. Laughing with tears....but some Apostolic Women are allowed to wear loose pants at home--naturally WITH husband AND pastor's approval.....

  4. I agree, you must repent of your shameful prmotion of gender-bending in the home. If women begin wearing men's pants the next thing they will be wanting is to act like men and perhaps even vote alongside them! Shameful!!

  5. "Remember, R stands for Wrong." Hahahahaha.

    And for a list of offensive material. XD